My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
