When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
