his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize