my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i out mim tonsoeep
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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