This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
