She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
