Michael Bay diarrhea
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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