My girlfriend figured out who you are.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
