I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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