My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
