Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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