if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
