please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
