im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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