Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
