omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is wine microwaveable?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
