I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My penis needs a shock collar
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize