the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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