I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
