Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
