You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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