she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
