do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
