there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
