He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize