it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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