Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
