I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
