I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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