Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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