i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think people are normalizing furries
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize