i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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