What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
