I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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