dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
