We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
