Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize