Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
