I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
