Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
