wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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