I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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