Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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