I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
