That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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