yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
