Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
