We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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