so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
