i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
