you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize