Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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