Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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