you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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