i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
