Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This baby is an asshole
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
