Who did Billy Mays play for?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
