Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
