I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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