You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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