your room smells of hookers.
And success
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
