I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
