do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
