my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
