This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
