Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
