Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
