No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
