we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
