No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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