Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
