It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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