Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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