I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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