you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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