U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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