My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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