i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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