i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
