Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
