I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
