I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
