Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
