i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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