I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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