I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
