The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
