i permit you to call me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
