Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
