She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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