I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
