Umm I'm too high to move.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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