You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
