I just made out with a guy for $7.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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