I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
