Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
