ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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