the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
