I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
