After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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