i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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