I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
