...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
