can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
