so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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